Some people like to stay single. Others are looking for a companion and a long term relationship and many are just looking for fun. A zillion of dating applications can attest to that. Falling in love is easy. Staying single is easy. Staying in love – not so easy. Having a heathy relationship may take some serious work over the time. You decide whether you want to put a work in it or walk away. So what is that we should be looking for in our partner? I said before, there are four must have:
Here are some basic things that have nothing to do with your good looks or even with the attraction level between you two. If more than two are missing and your partner is not willing to address those with you, your relationship will start to build a resentment that will lead to potentially bigger problems such as financial issues, cheating, abusive behavior. It goes without saying that relationships like that will ultimately fail.
Your green signals:
I am treated with respect.
He or she doesn’t make fun of things you like or want to do.
He or she never puts you down.
He or she doesn’t get angry if you spend time with your friends or family.
He or she listens to your ideas and is able to compromise with you.
He or she isn’t excessively negative.
He or she shares some of your interests and supports you in pursuing what you love.
We are not afraid to share our thoughts and feelings.
We are comfortable around our friends and family.
He or she is proud of my accomplishments and successes.
We respects each other boundaries and do not abuse technology.
He or she doesn’t require you to “check in” or need to know where you are all the time.
He or she is caring and honest.
He or she doesn’t pressure you to do things that you don’t want to do.
He or she doesn’t constantly accuse you of cheating or being unfaithful.
We encourages each other in or quest for personal and professional success.
He or she doesn’t threaten you or make you feel scared, for example threatening to leave.
We understand the importance of healthy relationships.
Successful relationships are largely based on trust. Basically that means: I trust you because I trust in my choice. If you are my choice, as my partner, I, naturally, want to feel good about the choice that I made to be with you.
Thus,trust in your partner is directly connected to person’s feelings of self-worth and self-esteem. Contrary to the popular belief, trust is not only earned. It is also a consciously made decision to trust another person, without asking it to be earned. Constantly doubting one’s intentions is destructive to any relationship and, as a result, negatively impact the very core of intimacy, the feelings of loving, being loved and supported. What differentiate a strong, long term relationship from a dysfunctional relationship is the capacity of both partners to prioritize the important goals and plans by overcoming the day to day life challenges, doubts and distractions.
Lack of trust that your partner is having the best intentions in mind for your marriage or your relationship affects both partners just as strongly. Relationships without trust are less successful and ultimately destined to fail.
My mom sent this to me the other day. Not sure who wrote it, or if you’ve already read this, but I think this is a really good “rule list”
And guys, don’t get mad… the same thing applies to women!!!
1. If a man wants you, nothing can keep him away. If he doesn’t want you nothing can make him stay.
2. Stop making excuses for a man and his behavior
3. Allow your intuition (or spirit) to save you from heartache.
4. Stop trying to change yourself for a relationship that’s not meant to be.
5. Slower is better.
6. Never live your life for a man before you find what makes you truly happy.
7. If a relationship ends because the man was not treating you as you deserve then heck no you can’t be “friends”. A friend wouldn’t mistreat a friend.
8. Don’t settle
9. If you feel like he is stringing you along, then he probably is
10. Don’t stay because you think “it will get better”. You’ll be mad at yourself a year later for staying when things are not better.
11. The only person you can control in a relationship is you
12. Avoid men who’ve got a bunch of children by a bunch of different women. He didn’t marry them, what would he treat you any differently?
13. Always have you own set of friends separate from his.
14. Maintain boundaries in how a guy treats you. If something bothers you, speak up.
15. Never let a man know everything. He will use it against you later.
16. You cannot change a man’s behaviors. Change comes from within.
17. Don’t EVER make him feel he is more important than you are.. even if he has more education or in a better job.
18. Don’t make him into a quasi-god. He is a man, nothing more, nothing less.
19. Never let a man define who you are.
20.Never borrow someone else’s man.
21. If he cheated with you, he’ll cheat on you