Trust And Relationships Mediation

“when you break trust, do not expect easy and fast recovery…”

Have you heard of the saying – to truly love somebody you have to be able to trust that him or her first?

Why Is Trust So Important In Any Relationship

First of all, I can say without a doubt that the relationship without a trust is not possible. In my mediation sessions I talk about various ways the issue to trusting others can affect our most important areas of life.

Certain types of trust are natural. For example, as a child its is natural for us to trust our parents or caregivers. If that very fundamental basis of natural trust gets violated, a variety of difficulties in personal growth can arise.

Trust in another person in our adult life comes from our decision to honor and stay loyal to another person who is part of our life. That can be our romantic partner, our friends, our business partners. It is manifested in many ways. For example, we can speak in a manner that the other person can see us as dependable and reliable partner. We can act in a way that the other person feels safe in our company. And finally, we can exhibit the type of behavior or actions that anther person feels confident enough to confide or ask us for help and advice.

This part is rewarding indeed. As a result, we built the true connection with our partner and we feel closeness and intimacy. Our level of tolerance is higher and our relationship can grow.

Why Can’t We Always Trust

For some people, the decision to trust anther person is very hard to make. They have been hurt in the past and suffer from unresolved issues, thus their relationship carries on those unresolved issues and grows into disfunction. For example, they can question everything that their partner does and will apply various techniques to control their partners behavior. Usually, those techniques involve spying on another, over messaging and calling, or blocking them and ignoring them. Caution here – there are, however, those individuals who broke their partners trust. This is not the same and those are the instances when action to repair is necessary.

What To Do When Trust Is Broken

Trust is like hope. We cannot live without hope, thus being in a relationship without trust never works.

This doesn’t mean that everything is doomed. It falls on us to recognize the need to repair the trust level and recognize the causes that led to dysfunction.

I have helped many clients coming to better terms with the issue of trusting their partners. My mediations sessions are designed to facilitate finding the answers and taking steps to regain the trust as well as their self-worth. There is a simple test, as a part of what I do every time when I meet with my clients. They share their most intimate stories and decisions with me. Though this is a business that I manage, there is nothing more personal than this very connection that I share with my clients – the moment of mutual trust. Begin entrepreneur has never been more rewarding.

A Thought Or Two As The Year Ends

Saluting to the year of challenges and blessings!

By the end of 2017,  I lost my corporate job. I was clearly that in a difficult situation. My two children were still very dependent on me and in their most serious transition from the hight school to a life. My savings were deflated from previous investments. Things happen unexpectedly and we should be prepared. I could only say that I wasn’t prepared nor I could find a fast replacement. My friends and colleagues couldn’t do much. They all had their battles to fight. My family was concerned, but as with any other immigrant, the distance did not do us a favor, especially on a deflated budget. Suddenly I found myself alone and I had nobody to turn on. I was stuck.

Why am I saying this? Here is why:

When you live at the certain standard, maintaining that standard requires a certain income. I figured, I would need at least three regular jobs to replace the income I had. However, and most urgently, I had to find the way to pay the utility bills, get the food on a table and try not to loose the house in which we lived. Sounds familiar? Many have been there before me…however, this was not my situation. To make the matter worse, my partner was going through the similar challenges and by the mid 2018 we bought found ourselves jobless.

Should I Stay Or Should I Go?

I figured I could drop everything, sell to investors and move to Europe. Go back home, start all over, some place better, some place where they knew me, some place were I was loved.

And then, I realized then that it was not over. I had much to hold on to…two lovely children and home that we built, a home that many would wish to have and which I was taking for granted. I had my passion and the business that I started years ago sitting in escrow while I was pursuing my corporate career. And so, I rolled up my sleeves, got the job in two days, negotiated terms that would allow me to pursue my business, and once again walked into my American dream. This time on my own terms, knowing that it will take lots of sleepless nights and endless devotion to who I truly am and what I do best. I simply decided to believe in myself.

Dreams Are Not Easy To Do

Was this easy to do? Absolutely not. Yes, I had doubts. I had moments when I could’t see the vision of mine and I had setbacks. While I can’t say that I am out of woods, I can say that this was the most challenging and yet most rewarding year in my life. I learned what my heart truly desired. I dared to dive into what I did best and get out there in unknown. And I raised above the paycheck. Entrepreneurship is not easy, but it’s certainly irreplaceable.

I am thankful to all my wonderful clients, partners and friends. People are measure of my success. Happy 2019!

Finding My Inner Child

What really works when it comes to relationships, is to be with the person that continuously inspires you and sparks your soul. The rest of those things that you have on your list are called benefits. For those who are lucky, benefits come along with a soul connection. For those who settled for good benefits, they are usually unhappy and keep looking.

What do we want? A good question. Every time we try again, we come with a baggage. As we get older, the baggage is pretty massive. Have we learned how to unload? Do we have the life skills to help us unload and work on our self – improvement and happiness? Or do we fall under a spell of expectations from the others.

Think about it as a child. As you were in your young age, the way you loved life came with innocence. The way you were curios about the things came with innocence. The way you first fell in love came with innocence. Your soul was clean of derbies as it didn’t have much time to accumulate all the experience, bad and good.

Our tasks should be continuing working on our innocent souls. That way we will continue to self improve, heal what needs to heal and become our own path to happiness, fulfilled without having to settle. Love is not complicated, people are. If we can get to the point of self awareness, and self sufficiency, then we are readier to project on the others the same. We might have found that innocence we once used to have. We are readier to love again.

Establishing Parenting in Arizona

Some of my clients have recently approached me with questions regarding parenting, signing birth certificates and establishing parenting rights. The article here is informational and not a legal advice.

Father Establishing  Parenting Rights In Arizona: 

  • He and the child’s mother signed the child’s birth certificate.
  • He was married to the child’s mother at any time during the ten months before the child’s birth.
  • He was married to the child’s mother and the child was born within ten months of the marriage’s termination.

Arizona requires that you sign a voluntary acknowledgement of paternity before you can sign the birth certificate.

Important notice: For women: If you are dating and you and your boyfriend knows that he is not a biological father of your child, him signing a birth certificate is a legal action that may be considered fraudulent.

Removing somebody’s name of the birth certificate requires filing a petition and obtaining a court order. If you need more information regarding this process, please contact me directly.

Stages Of Grief Simplified

In this life, one time or another, we all grieve. We lost people, dreams, pets or hoefully not all the hope we had. While helping my clients, I tried to understand the phases of grief so that I can be better prepared to adjust our communication styles.

Here are five stages of grief simplified:

  • denial
  • anger
  • bargaining
  • depression
  • acceptance

You can float from one to another for some time. I’ve done it myself. I’ve been stuck in the bargaining phase for longest and I switched from bargaining to denial skipping anger all together. Sometimes my anger came first.

Anger was not always a negative emotion. If it took path to acceptance, than it was used to resolve my own self issues. Depression was the hardest to beat and it was often hidden. For me, focusing on something new, traveling, finding a hobby that helps me develop new skills, working out or simply meditating and giving myself time to understand the process of healing would finally arrive at the acceptance.

My meditation involved spending time in solitude. That means, I would either travel alone, or spend days away from chores and routing. My house was messy. My utility bills were late. My friends pulled away. Nevertheless I maintained the basic function to keep floating, but I recognized that if I didn’t give myself a time to grieve, I would have never healed. When I loved myself enough, to put your myself first, my healing process was faster. Then I was able to give again.

She Is All Of That But

Studies find, as well as statistics show that no matter how much men say they want an equal partner, a woman who’s smart and independent often make men feel emasculated or inferior.

How many times have you heard of a couple that jus split up, in which woman was stronger, more successful partner? Usually the story ends by him cheating or not being able to pop a question. Shortly after the same man marries a woman who is much different, if not completely opposite than his previous mate.

Most relevant research shows that man is still expected to be a provider and succeed in career. Men will not feel comfortable getting into serious relationship when they are not able to provide. Although women have proven that they can also provide, many marriages are based on gender roles bias. Women have done a lot to prove that they can be equal or better providers, yet we are still far from becoming equal partners in committed relationships. With that said, it is possible to overcome this bias by being able to recognize potential and improving communication on both ends. After all, our ultimate goal is our happiness withing the fundamental relationship that we come to nurture together. For many women, that means recognizing the potential. The relationship with our life partners thrives on equality and change, willingness to experiment and willingness to adopt and growth within, rather than on cultural bias.

Power Of Attorney

Power of Attorney simply means that you are granting the right to somebody (your agent) to perform certain task(s) on your behalf and/or make certain decisions.

Are There Different  Types Of Power Of Attorney?

The power you grant  may be special, limited, durable and general. For example, a durable financial power of attorney is an  important document that grants your agent access to your financial accounts should you become disable or in case of death. Without this document your accounts may be locked after the probate process is completed.

For example, a special power of attorney can be given by parent(s) to a caregiver, while parents are absent. These type of power of attorneys are very popular and highly recommendable  when parents and minor children need to spend time apart.

How Can I Help You With Your Power of Attorney?

I prepare your power of attorney for a low flat fee, including the free notary. We can  meet at my office and your forms will be completed and notarized during the same appointment.

While we are together, I will answer any questions that you may have. If case that you cannot leave your home or hospital, or for any other reasons when you need a mobile services, I will be happy to come to you.

Divorce And Meditation – Relationships Red Flags

Have you found yourself struggling in your relationship and frequently thinking about the divorce? You both may or may not have attempted counseling to improve your marriage and yet not much has changed. Here are some of the red flags and the most frequent symptoms that my clients have experienced.

Psychological Driven Red Flags:

  • You, or your partner,  withdraw during arguments – passive aggressive behavior
  • Trust Issues because you were hurt in the past
  • Taking anger out on your partner
  • Holding onto the past
  • Not being empathetic
  • Not expressing your gratitude

Notice that passive – aggressive behavior of one or both partners is almost an instant relationship killer and for any long term relationship has to be addressed, if observed in partners. While psychological barriers often require professional counseling, some of behavior driven I was able to successfully address in my mediation practice.

Behavior Driven Red Flags:

  • Different goals in life
  • Talking only about yourself – no exchange
  • Unwilling to compromise
  • Seeing your partner as inferior or vice versa
  • You love alcohol, but your partner doesn’t
  • Your relationship is full of secret
  • One of you is never take blame
  • Too much intimacy
  • A big life event rocked the relationship
  • Not trusting each other with money
  • Holding your partner to unrealistic standards
  • Not dating your partner any more
  • Comparing your relationship with everyone else’s
  • Not listening

Some of the red flags are easy to work on and we all can improve. For example, becoming a better listener or learning how to express our gratitude may not be such a big deal. Learning how to trust on the other hand can take a long time and effort, especially when there are underlying psychological issues. I have worked successfully with my clients to overcome the issues that led to conflict. Even when the divorce is inevitable, our goal is consent of both parties.

Thought About Relationships

It is easy to guess that many of my clients are divorcing, or are in a process of separation.  I often challenge my clients with several simple questions as to what does it mean to them, being in relationship. Why is that so many relationships fail?

I won’t bother with statistic here, not even with whether it was a marriage or cohabitation, children or not, who were the partners and whether they were gays or straight…Statistics can help me understand the numeric distribution, not the human aspects of the relationships.

It has been a general opinion that relationships fail for two reasons: financial issues and infidelity. While evaluating many different scenarios, in which finances and managing finances played certainly a very important role, I have found out that neither finances nor infidelity lead to the actual break-up. What really broke those couples was a lack of understanding  and emotional support for one another, the loss of true companionship. Being supportive involves being there no matter what. It involves sometimes a massive compromise and most of all willingness to continue to love and sacrifice for the person who appears,  even often times,  to be less than perfect for us…yet that is called a true love.

Relationships are about companionship. We are trapped in how it supposed to be. Who makes more money, who pays more bills, who has succeeded more in career etc..

We neglect a  basic need to be loved and supported simply for who we are, with all mistakes that we make. Relationship is about the compromise as we continue to grow.  In relationship we no longer nourish self as a person, but we also  nourish our partner and companionship.

Not all our relationship will go as planned and not all of them will have a happy ending. Some will fade by attrition, some will fade by circumstances, some will end on purpose and the most precious ones will last.

We can start all over…I believe in second try and even third and forth…Now, let’s pause here.

We can keep trying only if we also take time to understand why did we fail in the the first place, only if we figure out our own mistakes and allow ourselves the room for improvement, rather than insisting on changing  our partners. If we are lucky enough that our partners have come to the same understanding, we are guaranteed to live in a fulfilling relationship.

Anthem Paralegal 

Self – Litigants and Rules of Litigation

Some self – litigants are used to the court procedures and many are not. While several  of my clients are preparing to appear at the court for the first time, few  of them are quite experienced. Legal system is open to the public and there are times when the cost of hiring the attorney outweighs the actual monetary benefit of wining the case. This is a typical situation when it comes to the small claims that are limited in the amount that you can sue for. In another instances you may want to get involved in litigation because you are so passionate about the subject and you really want to handle your own case. Nevertheless, it is always important to follow several simple rules. Judges are mostly annoyed by not following the court procedures and every court, even every Judge might have their own. This is where you might need my help with your specific case. Here are some general bullet points to follow:

  • Wear a suit
  • Be courteous to everyone (I know you might be anxious)
  • Check in and wait until your case is called
  • Speak to the Judge respectfully (“Your Honor” will work)
  • Don’t speak directly to the opposing Counsel (that is why you have the Judge in the Courtroom)
  • Always have the opposing Counsel present when you are speaking to the Judge
  • Never speak to the Jurors
  • Ask for help if you are treated badly (ask to speak to the Judge privately or write a letter to the Judge)

That’s easy, you may think. And it really is. It only takes some practice. To ensure that you are confident, we can role play and master the skills of addressing the Court. However, the part that we need to work on is how to correctly write and submit your pleadings, so that you can prepare to win your case.

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