Abusive Relationships

Have You Ever Been In Abusive Relationship?

Many of my clients who are in a process of divorce have experienced or lived in an abusive relationship. Why does that happen to us?

We live, we work, we fall in love. Often times, at the very beginning, we are so excited about being in love and wanting to be in a relationship which prevents us from reading the red flags that usually appear very early on. As we go deeper into the relationship, we start realizing some of those warning signs. We learn that things never get better. Instead they even get worse.

Different Type Of Abuse In Relationship

Physical abuse is much easier to spot and confront. Since it involves punching, bruising, hitting and other types of violent behavior, the victim shows visible signs.

A relationship can be unhealthy or abusive without physical violence. Verbal abuse may not cause physical damage, but it does cause emotional pain and scarring. It can also lead to physical violence if the relationship continues on an unhealthy path.

Emotional abuse includes non-physical behaviors such as threats, insults, constant monitoring or “checking in,” excessive texting, humiliation, intimidation, isolation or stalking.

Emotional Abuse In Relationship

There are many behaviors that qualify as emotional or verbal abuse. If any of the following is something that you experienced in your relationship, it is a time for a health check.

• Calling you names and putting you down.
• Yelling and screaming at you.
• Intentionally embarrassing you in public.
• Preventing you from seeing or talking with friends and family.
• Telling you what to do and wear.
• Damaging your property when they’re angry (throwing objects, punching walls, kicking doors, etc.)
• Using online communities or cell phones to control, intimidate or humiliate you.
• Blaming your actions for their abusive or unhealthy behavior.
• Accusing you of cheating and often being jealous of your outside relationships.
• Stalking you.
• Threatening to commit suicide to keep you from breaking up with them.
• Threatening to harm you, your pet or people you care about.
• Using gas-lighting techniques to confuse or manipulate you.
• Making you feel guilty or immature when you don’t consent to sexual activity.
• Threatening to expose your secrets such as your sexual orientation or immigration status.
• Starting rumors about you.

Victims of emotional abuse are ofter suffering a low self-esteem, poor self-care and overall feeling of worthlessness. That makes it harder to reach out to a support system that is crucially important in a process of moving on and healing.

When we recognize those warnings signs and set our mind to it, we can break free from and abusive relationship, give ourselves time to heal and learn how to live and love again. Healthy relationships are are based on mutual respect, trust, honestly, support, fairness, separate identities, good communication and a sense of playfulness. As we move on, the sense of well-being returns and we are, once again, ready to feel good about life. We start to enjoy small things, surround ourselves with good friends and work on our goals.