It is easy to guess that many of my clients are divorcing, or are in a process of separation. I often challenge my clients with several simple questions as to what does it mean to them, being in relationship. Why is that so many relationships fail?
I won’t bother with statistic here, not even with whether it was a marriage or cohabitation, children or not, who were the partners and whether they were gays or straight…Statistics can help me understand the numeric distribution, not the human aspects of the relationships.
It has been a general opinion that relationships fail for two reasons: financial issues and infidelity. While evaluating many different scenarios, in which finances and managing finances played certainly a very important role, I have found out that neither finances nor infidelity lead to the actual break-up. What really broke those couples was a lack of understanding and emotional support for one another, the loss of true companionship. Being supportive involves being there no matter what. It involves sometimes a massive compromise and most of all willingness to continue to love and sacrifice for the person who appears, even often times, to be less than perfect for us…yet that is called a true love.
Relationships are about companionship. We are trapped in how it supposed to be. Who makes more money, who pays more bills, who has succeeded more in career etc..
We neglect a basic need to be loved and supported simply for who we are, with all mistakes that we make. Relationship is about the compromise as we continue to grow. In relationship we no longer nourish self as a person, but we also nourish our partner and companionship.
Not all our relationship will go as planned and not all of them will have a happy ending. Some will fade by attrition, some will fade by circumstances, some will end on purpose and the most precious ones will last.
We can start all over…I believe in second try and even third and forth…Now, let’s pause here.
We can keep trying only if we also take time to understand why did we fail in the the first place, only if we figure out our own mistakes and allow ourselves the room for improvement, rather than insisting on changing our partners. If we are lucky enough that our partners have come to the same understanding, we are guaranteed to live in a fulfilling relationship.